After so many months of blogging and constant reminders of him, we'd broke up already. released from the tensions and stress each time we were to quarrel.
however. i'm still not quite over it yet. Afterall, it has been 1 yr and 2 months of being together. i couldnt give it up. mayb it's jus that now that i couldnt do it. prolly "time will wash away the tears and pain..." as what his mom told me.
his mom called me this morning. say, 11.30. but i was still sleeping. still, i woke up to answer her call. she told me not to feel sad. cuz it's just not worth it. said that i'm still young, and prolly when i step into the working social life, i'd be able to noe more people, a lot better than her own son, who'd treat me 101% more than how he treated me before.
but i couldnt think of it that way. i noe i have to face it. he's not my type and i'm just not his. but i still cant give up. i cant just let my relationship which i placed much hopes in just went crushing like this.
but i really have to face it... that we're no longer together. and that we cant be together.
mayb now and then, i'll cry myself to sleep each time i think of him. like what i did this morning. but i dun wanna destroy my eyes. i dun want it puffy and swollen.
prolly, i'll just do something to myself and make him regret that he's lost a good choice.
i love you but i hate u.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Assorted. Accumulated. Clumped.
23rd April' 2005
Went to my cousin's, Lily, wedding ceremony...
It was held around the church in Novena area and, damned. the ceremony took longer than i'd expected. I'd attended one when i was much younger, my mom practically dragged me to it. but this recent one had me sit through it quietly and sobbing so loudly after my cousin said her thank you-s.
It was a difficult task to even acknowledge that the cousin i've visited her house ever-so-often is married. there was much controversy when she wasnt even attached at the age of prolly, i think, 29. my mom used to worry for her and her sister, that they cant get themselves attached. not that they are non good-lookers, but in actual fact, they are good looking, but they're still not attached only till recent years. and Lily's 32 now. Golden ripe age for KIDS!
i feel so happy for her. her husband's a doctor. same age as her. quite good-looking, in a decent way. and very charismatic. i'm so happy for her. really.
and i sure does pity that poor couple, whom cant take their lunch in time cuz they have to take pix all da way!
24th April'2005
Jeannie asked me out. i was shocked that she did.
but anywyaz, i went out with her and jinling. she wanted to buy a phone and some formal clothings, and i wanted to shop, so i tagged along. we went to causeway point(cp) to look for the formal tops. myy. that place is flooded with maternity and kiddos' clothes.
she got herself a top at OSMOSE. a shop which is only meant for the skinnies. i think my body will just rip the whole top off, if i were to don on one. but anywayz. the top that jeannie bought was nice. and she wanted to look for hp. and we'd decided that cp wasnt the right place to look for one, so we head back to our hometown, Ang Mo Kio. and jinling went back home le. with her family.
in the end,jeannie dint manage to buy any phones, cuz i thought it was quite a haste and that she sitll hasnt seen one which has met her eyes. so we ended up getting a haircut.
and mine, which unfortunately looks like this:
25th april'2005
Went to attend Lily's wedding dinner at the meritus hotel. luckily this time around, her thank-you speech dint really drive my eyes to tears. i dun wanna look fugly at that kinda event. the food was, so-so lar.
and prolly by now, they'll be heading to japan. for their honeyymoon! lol. oh btw, my other cousin said thaat lily's husband's family did object to them being together before. cuz of their incompatible job scope. lily's a social worker, while her husband's a doc. what the hell. i hate snobs.
27th april'2005
Went out with sharon for a job hunt. met up at 5.30pm at city hall and headed to bugis. went for an interview at one of the buildings there as an telemarketer. geez. i doubt they'll call. but the pay's damn bagus lar. $8-12 bucks per hour. and prolly even more if we'd close a case. lol. but it seems like money's not coming my way.
dined at shaw tower's tanaka jap restaurant. and we both had ramen. and i thought it kinda tasted like maggie mee. =-
dint taste as good as i'd expected.
and after dinner, bf says that he wants to meet me. so, i went to his place and hees. he shoved me this present he bought for me with awkwardness. "Nah! For you." and i opened it.
it looked like this:
and when i pressed its belly, it would light up:
and sqeak:"MUUUAackz! I love you!"
and i jumped with joy. in my head. lol.
i'm trying to show off now. =p
28th April'2005
went out with jinling and sharon in a job-hunting event. we went to ask for a sales job at bugis. u noe. selling handbags. sharon had to commence the job tmr. cuz they need ppl. but jinling and i agreed in silence that it wasnt a job that we both will want. so we lied that we may be only starting work on the 1st of may. prolly going to turn it down if they really were to call us. cuz i dint like it much.
oh yeah, and we bought t-shirts for ourselves. and i bought an additional belt cuz myy current one is going to rot.
sharon's bought her yesterday. and jinling and i went to the orchard library. it's been ages since i last caught up with a novel. i wanna improve on my english, DESPERATE! i sound liek shit now when i converse in english!
and yes, jinling and sharon saw my hairstyle, they both commented that i look better with the previous one.
-End-
Went to my cousin's, Lily, wedding ceremony...
It was held around the church in Novena area and, damned. the ceremony took longer than i'd expected. I'd attended one when i was much younger, my mom practically dragged me to it. but this recent one had me sit through it quietly and sobbing so loudly after my cousin said her thank you-s.
It was a difficult task to even acknowledge that the cousin i've visited her house ever-so-often is married. there was much controversy when she wasnt even attached at the age of prolly, i think, 29. my mom used to worry for her and her sister, that they cant get themselves attached. not that they are non good-lookers, but in actual fact, they are good looking, but they're still not attached only till recent years. and Lily's 32 now. Golden ripe age for KIDS!
i feel so happy for her. her husband's a doctor. same age as her. quite good-looking, in a decent way. and very charismatic. i'm so happy for her. really.
and i sure does pity that poor couple, whom cant take their lunch in time cuz they have to take pix all da way!
24th April'2005
Jeannie asked me out. i was shocked that she did.
but anywyaz, i went out with her and jinling. she wanted to buy a phone and some formal clothings, and i wanted to shop, so i tagged along. we went to causeway point(cp) to look for the formal tops. myy. that place is flooded with maternity and kiddos' clothes.
she got herself a top at OSMOSE. a shop which is only meant for the skinnies. i think my body will just rip the whole top off, if i were to don on one. but anywayz. the top that jeannie bought was nice. and she wanted to look for hp. and we'd decided that cp wasnt the right place to look for one, so we head back to our hometown, Ang Mo Kio. and jinling went back home le. with her family.
in the end,jeannie dint manage to buy any phones, cuz i thought it was quite a haste and that she sitll hasnt seen one which has met her eyes. so we ended up getting a haircut.
and mine, which unfortunately looks like this:
25th april'2005
Went to attend Lily's wedding dinner at the meritus hotel. luckily this time around, her thank-you speech dint really drive my eyes to tears. i dun wanna look fugly at that kinda event. the food was, so-so lar.
and prolly by now, they'll be heading to japan. for their honeyymoon! lol. oh btw, my other cousin said thaat lily's husband's family did object to them being together before. cuz of their incompatible job scope. lily's a social worker, while her husband's a doc. what the hell. i hate snobs.
27th april'2005
Went out with sharon for a job hunt. met up at 5.30pm at city hall and headed to bugis. went for an interview at one of the buildings there as an telemarketer. geez. i doubt they'll call. but the pay's damn bagus lar. $8-12 bucks per hour. and prolly even more if we'd close a case. lol. but it seems like money's not coming my way.
dined at shaw tower's tanaka jap restaurant. and we both had ramen. and i thought it kinda tasted like maggie mee. =-
dint taste as good as i'd expected.
and after dinner, bf says that he wants to meet me. so, i went to his place and hees. he shoved me this present he bought for me with awkwardness. "Nah! For you." and i opened it.
it looked like this:
and when i pressed its belly, it would light up:
and sqeak:"MUUUAackz! I love you!"
and i jumped with joy. in my head. lol.
i'm trying to show off now. =p
28th April'2005
went out with jinling and sharon in a job-hunting event. we went to ask for a sales job at bugis. u noe. selling handbags. sharon had to commence the job tmr. cuz they need ppl. but jinling and i agreed in silence that it wasnt a job that we both will want. so we lied that we may be only starting work on the 1st of may. prolly going to turn it down if they really were to call us. cuz i dint like it much.
oh yeah, and we bought t-shirts for ourselves. and i bought an additional belt cuz myy current one is going to rot.
sharon's bought her yesterday. and jinling and i went to the orchard library. it's been ages since i last caught up with a novel. i wanna improve on my english, DESPERATE! i sound liek shit now when i converse in english!
and yes, jinling and sharon saw my hairstyle, they both commented that i look better with the previous one.
-End-
Sunday, April 17, 2005
And this is mine. See the difference?
 Scorpio - Your Love ProfileYour positive traits: You're red hot passion makes anyone you date feel extremely wanted Loyalty, to the point of doing anything to protect your lover You are mysterious and charismatic - and you easily draw people in Your negative traits: You tend to be paranoid and think that the worst is going on with your lover You turn cold and mean at the first sign of conflict in relationship You sometimes become obsessed with dates - so much so that you develop jealousy early on Your ideal partner: Someone who will take the time to win you over. Not an easy task! Is able to keep up with your carnal appetite... lots of stamina needed. Reassures you of their love and loyalty on a daily basis. Your dating style: Intense. You prefer to stay in with take out and conversation - so that no one else is distracting you and your date. Your seduction style: Hot. New partners have trouble believing that your libido is for real. You have incredible sexual intuition - you always know what your lover craves A bit bossy. You know what you want, and you certainly aren't afraid to ask for it. Tips for the future: Don't be so secretive with your love - they want you the way you are Let go of your jealousy. Your partner has chosen *you* Spend more time alone, doing things you love. It will help you be less obsessive. Best color to attract mate: Dark red Best day for a date: Tuesday |
His Love traits. I'd highlighted those which are true in purple~
 Gemini - Your Love ProfileYour positive traits: Your lively, outgoing attitude attracts people to you everywhere you go. You can talk your way into - and out of - any situation you desire. You're adaptable enough to flirt with anyone - and people tend to fight over you. Your negative traits: You get easily bored in relationships, and tend to jump from person to person. You tend to be a bit of a player - and have a high tolerance for drama in relationships. Not the most emphathetic person, you tend to tell lovers to "get over" their problems. Your ideal partner: Is intelligent and quick witted enough to keep you interested. Is a bit of a shape shifter, providing you with the variety you crave. An open minded person, who's willling to have a non-traditional relationship. Your dating style: Exciting. If your date shows you a new experience (like Egyptian food or scuba diving), you're very happy. Your seduction style: Experimental: it's rare that you try the same thing twice. Ultra kinky - you do stuff that's not even in books yet. Hot and cold... sometimes you're just not into the whole sex thing. Tips for the future: Settle down a little. Sometimes good things come with time - so don't let people go so fast. Acknowledge that you're a player and flirt. If your mate can't live with this, find someone who can. Give your partner a little more attention. You don't have to be a social butterfly all the time. Best color to attract mate: Sunny yellow Best day for a date: Wednesday Get your free love profile at Blogthings. |
Quiz, quiz and more quizzes for me, puhlease!
Visited sue's blog and she had these postings on it... so i decided to try. though not as bagus as hers, i still liked my results... hee.
and yesterday, i watched some dating kinda show on Channel U. even the horoscope guru said that gemini and scorpio coupling is a tough nut to be together.
and i've summed it up. it might not be a good thing IF i really were to get married to him. not for the horoscope's sake, but, seriously, i'm beginning to think if he's the ONE for me. i love him still, but i have to accept the reality.
and yesterday, i watched some dating kinda show on Channel U. even the horoscope guru said that gemini and scorpio coupling is a tough nut to be together.
and i've summed it up. it might not be a good thing IF i really were to get married to him. not for the horoscope's sake, but, seriously, i'm beginning to think if he's the ONE for me. i love him still, but i have to accept the reality.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Cold and lonely.
Well, i dunno what to put for the title. mayb, something sad. so that u feel intrested to read it up.
neways. went to a dinner at a temple yesterday night. saw this guy from my entrepreunuership class. again. for the sec time when i've had that kinda dinner. i tot he wanted to talk to me, but i just acted blur.
i tot my actions were fooley, and went str8 back home and search him in friendster. wanted to apologise for my actions, but it turned out that he hasnt even noticed me.
blardy shit. and i made a fool outta myself! haha. i think i'm from aes as well. geez.
and i took the BTT today. i just hope i can pass, cuz i hasnt really study, and mayb some god will help me with it.
i might be meeting dear later, gotta pass him the puffs. and prolly, i just feel like having a romantic getaway with him, since he promised me some rollin' good, quality time with him.
i dunno. mayb i just have to take what comes my stride. =)
yah. i noe. wrong english used. but whatever. i dun really care. for now.
Ciao~
neways. went to a dinner at a temple yesterday night. saw this guy from my entrepreunuership class. again. for the sec time when i've had that kinda dinner. i tot he wanted to talk to me, but i just acted blur.
i tot my actions were fooley, and went str8 back home and search him in friendster. wanted to apologise for my actions, but it turned out that he hasnt even noticed me.
blardy shit. and i made a fool outta myself! haha. i think i'm from aes as well. geez.
and i took the BTT today. i just hope i can pass, cuz i hasnt really study, and mayb some god will help me with it.
i might be meeting dear later, gotta pass him the puffs. and prolly, i just feel like having a romantic getaway with him, since he promised me some rollin' good, quality time with him.
i dunno. mayb i just have to take what comes my stride. =)
yah. i noe. wrong english used. but whatever. i dun really care. for now.
Ciao~
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
wow... finallly yeah!!!!!!
the exams are over.
u dint hear me wrong. i'm gayyyy!!!
lol. yesterday morning at 10.30, marked the end of hell and now's starting another round of freaking-out period, which is the anticipated, the exam results.
but well, life's abt waiting and waiting.
went out shopping with my gfs straight after the exams. to jurong point, and i live in ang mo kio. lol.
bought a dress for lili jie's wedding, and a blouse. we had quite a lot of fun. lol. after that, went to meet mom. she bought me a pair of jeans, skirt, and something like a cheong-sam. hee.
but still, life's pretty much intense.
mum just told me that grandpa's diagnosed with cancer, yet again. i thought it was not with him anymore. i'm sad, cuz when i think my grandma has left us, i wouldnt want another to go with her. i might be selfish, but, i just wouldnt want him to leave us.
and i noe, for the fact that grandma might be protecting him from anything now. i noe she'll want him to live happy and free of illness. right, grandma?
and mom's meeting up with a satan at her workplace. i shouldnt say this, but u have to noe. her colleague's a biatch. BIATCH. when my mom asked her if she wants to read a mag, she havent even waited for my mom to finish the sentence and cut it off crudely by, "NO."
now, what the hell is ur prob? mayb u need a man to satisfy u instead. f*cker.
den again, my mom tried to talk to her sometimes, but she just stands far from her. giving my mom tough days to spend. and my mom informed her few days ago that she'll be late for work today cuz she'll be going for a checkup, she dint say anything, yesterday, when my mom reminded her of the checkup, she told my mom"why cant u check earlier?" she said this crap when they're working at 10.30 today. piss off, biatch. u're a plague.
why does some satan still exists in the world? i thought GOD is supposed to rid these demons.
and sure enough, we have one satan in our grp. not quite a satan, but mayb someone who might get on my nerves quite occasionally..
mayb if i just dun care, would things be betteR? if just accepted things the way it is, would i be happier? instead of thinking all "its" bad points, would i breathe easy? not possible, cuz i'm a str8 forward person.
i wont entertain pests who actually takes advantage of us and sit ard, biatching their way.
sue and joy, know what i mean rite? LOL.
enuff's said. sit back, and enjoy the holidays. hee.
below are pix we'd taken yesterday...
At toy'r'us!
da cuties! errr, i mean barney. LOL. no, i mean my fav. gals!
da dingdong who starred in the movie, chicago, as an extra. borrowed the crop to just take a pic.lol
da threesome. lol! my best gals!
my arder soulmate
Now, back at home...
da disgusting me!
u dint hear me wrong. i'm gayyyy!!!
lol. yesterday morning at 10.30, marked the end of hell and now's starting another round of freaking-out period, which is the anticipated, the exam results.
but well, life's abt waiting and waiting.
went out shopping with my gfs straight after the exams. to jurong point, and i live in ang mo kio. lol.
bought a dress for lili jie's wedding, and a blouse. we had quite a lot of fun. lol. after that, went to meet mom. she bought me a pair of jeans, skirt, and something like a cheong-sam. hee.
but still, life's pretty much intense.
mum just told me that grandpa's diagnosed with cancer, yet again. i thought it was not with him anymore. i'm sad, cuz when i think my grandma has left us, i wouldnt want another to go with her. i might be selfish, but, i just wouldnt want him to leave us.
and i noe, for the fact that grandma might be protecting him from anything now. i noe she'll want him to live happy and free of illness. right, grandma?
and mom's meeting up with a satan at her workplace. i shouldnt say this, but u have to noe. her colleague's a biatch. BIATCH. when my mom asked her if she wants to read a mag, she havent even waited for my mom to finish the sentence and cut it off crudely by, "NO."
now, what the hell is ur prob? mayb u need a man to satisfy u instead. f*cker.
den again, my mom tried to talk to her sometimes, but she just stands far from her. giving my mom tough days to spend. and my mom informed her few days ago that she'll be late for work today cuz she'll be going for a checkup, she dint say anything, yesterday, when my mom reminded her of the checkup, she told my mom"why cant u check earlier?" she said this crap when they're working at 10.30 today. piss off, biatch. u're a plague.
why does some satan still exists in the world? i thought GOD is supposed to rid these demons.
and sure enough, we have one satan in our grp. not quite a satan, but mayb someone who might get on my nerves quite occasionally..
mayb if i just dun care, would things be betteR? if just accepted things the way it is, would i be happier? instead of thinking all "its" bad points, would i breathe easy? not possible, cuz i'm a str8 forward person.
i wont entertain pests who actually takes advantage of us and sit ard, biatching their way.
sue and joy, know what i mean rite? LOL.
enuff's said. sit back, and enjoy the holidays. hee.
below are pix we'd taken yesterday...
At toy'r'us!
da cuties! errr, i mean barney. LOL. no, i mean my fav. gals! da dingdong who starred in the movie, chicago, as an extra. borrowed the crop to just take a pic.lol
da threesome. lol! my best gals!
my arder soulmate
Now, back at home...
da disgusting me!
Sunday, April 10, 2005
hi.
quarrels are never gonna cease, much less talking bout my wrinkles. i do not have wrinkles now, but in a few yr's time, or mayb, even next yr, i might have lines all over my face already.
i dunno why. i just cant seem to study. mugging, to me, is like drinking plain water. u know, the "marvelicity"( i invented this word myself) of coca-cola with ice and chrysanthemum tea just sends me to thrill. but, plain water? i dun take it as often. serious.
it's just plain. and hard to swallow.
sometimes, i wonder, if one is in a bad mood, would u think abt others?
i admit, i'm being selfish. but that's me. but i'm trying to strive. trying to not care. but i still did.
that's me.
and i suck.
okie okie. i dun.
LOL :p
i dunno why. i just cant seem to study. mugging, to me, is like drinking plain water. u know, the "marvelicity"( i invented this word myself) of coca-cola with ice and chrysanthemum tea just sends me to thrill. but, plain water? i dun take it as often. serious.
it's just plain. and hard to swallow.
sometimes, i wonder, if one is in a bad mood, would u think abt others?
i admit, i'm being selfish. but that's me. but i'm trying to strive. trying to not care. but i still did.
that's me.
and i suck.
okie okie. i dun.
LOL :p
Thursday, April 07, 2005
*yawns
sorry for the crudeness in the opening. and i'm really aint into any studying.
though tmr will be the day when doom's gonna visit me. but seriously, i'm just sick of studying lar.
reading up the same sick old materials and suddenly with mah mind bolted to the thought of mr bongg.
yes. and i just posted a bulletin on friendster. well. read it if u have the time, if not, u can say byebye to that post.
anyways. i seem to have very dry eyes nowadays. dunno why. weird.
geez. and i'm feeling lethargic right at this moment when i've napped for like, 3 hrs this afternoon. what is happening to me....????
though tmr will be the day when doom's gonna visit me. but seriously, i'm just sick of studying lar.
reading up the same sick old materials and suddenly with mah mind bolted to the thought of mr bongg.
yes. and i just posted a bulletin on friendster. well. read it if u have the time, if not, u can say byebye to that post.
anyways. i seem to have very dry eyes nowadays. dunno why. weird.
geez. and i'm feeling lethargic right at this moment when i've napped for like, 3 hrs this afternoon. what is happening to me....????
shall blog in u soon. see ya. -muackz-
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