Righteous.

That's what i want and what Daryl(the psychic) said in the movie, Just like Heaven.

much was anticipated for my birthday, but i just ruined everything. i chose to let jealousy lead my nose, and i absently followed, but unwillingly accepting the fate i have now.

on 15th nov, my family decided to dine together, steamboat and everything, at home. and i got ridiculously quiet during the dinner, i dint noe what's gotten into me. prolly was my pms. and dad shelled a big-BIG prawn for me and placed it into my bowl. i dint noe why, i just kept quiet. i would usually be ecstatic, and yelled "thank you". but not then. after 2 mins, i returned the poor thing to dad's plate, and said so nonchalantly that i dint want it.

i supposed he got angry as well, and he left me out. he asked, so nonchalantly too, whether my bros are full.

after that, several incidents happened that tells me he aint very happy with me. and it left me without my sanity.

then i went out on both days, the eve, and the day of my birthday.

on 16th, went out with my girlfriends. was jumpy abt the meeting. really. but things were like, tearing apart. i cant stand it when we have seriously lesser common topics to converse in, and pretending that we're still very close and nice to each other. 7 of us went out, and unquestionably, one has to be by herself sometime. and not this one.

i dunno why. but i felt that she was pretentious. i mean, search me. she's just not what i think she's used to be. maybe we(read: refers to ppl, in general) just retained those pretty memories in our minds, that when we grow, the ugly ones tend to be thrown off. but they're(uglier ones) coming back again, refreshing my memory of the pure, ignorant times that we'd had, and contemplating the angst of the bad ones, too.

different. it's like, poles apart from the sweet memories that i'd had.

haiz. maybe i just havent grow up and mature and stop getting angry.

on thursday, i went out with her. went to watch the movie, just like heaven.

and again, fury's been sitting on my nose, too. she's kinda busy with her cellular when we're at the movie, and this was driving me crazy. of course, i'd like to comment about her and her stuff, face-to-face, and i guess i did it, but definitely, evading some other things that i tot may hurt her. i dont think i'm happy with what she's doing, but she neednt cared more of what i'm feeling. i mean, that's her life. i'm in no way to be standing at it and telling her what to do. i just hoped whatever she's doing, she enjoys it and gave serious thoughts about it. mayb it's no big deal to her, but i have no reason to get so uptight, but i just aint "loving it".

mayb i really shouldnt comment more. i guess each and every one of us just thinks what's best for them and does it. i mean, after posting this, she noes that i'm unhappy, but hell, i just want YOU to noe i'm not throwing my usual stupid tantrums.

and i think i wont mention names, cuz i dont think there's a need to. it's obvious.

i dunno it's her or me. haiz. big chance, could be me. i'm just gnashing my teeth, so tight, i need fake dentures soon.

i sat on the MRT, perpetually looking at my watch, afraid that the minutes-hand is not going to cross over to 12 soon, and the date skipping to "18". because if it does, i have no chance to rectify the moods i have on my birthday. but it did. my birthday just ended like that. i wasnt happy at all. really.

lots of ppl wished me happy birthday. i thanked them, but i'm not happy.

i have to do some soul-searching, and stop getting unhappy at the small little things that happen.

but the issue is, am i able to?

i'll try.

lycos just terminated my account. to no wish of mine. i think it's prolly cuz i uploaded some songs cussin'. but it's the song, not me, cussin'.



oh! and i became conscious that, i'm getting more and more hypocritical.



now, eradicate me, please.

=) i'm gay.

dont get me wrong. i'm a pure lady, who adores men to the max. i'm gay because, i'm happy!

went out today with jeannie, jinling and me. well, we've set up this club together, consisting of the three of us, called the "Ni Wo Ta club"... answering ur query(those non-chinese), "ni wo ta" means(loosely translated) you me her. LOL.

why call ourselves that? simple. it seems like we guys are drifting apart with our long-time frens. well, two of them, to be exact. they both are attached, and seemed far too busy to go out with us. and unenthusiastic too. prolly we(ni wo ta) are not as intresting as their boyfriends. -yawns- sad.

alright. return to the essence of my post. we went to plaza singapura to ate our lunch, which is the pizza that's been furiously hitting the commercials on the tv like no one's business. it was much anticipated, but we dint really fancy it. dunno why, prolly because no one's hungry, and that the food might really not taste pretty.

then, we took neo-prints! it costs us 3.30 each... expensive right?
somemore in the end, the pix wasnt those with what we'd chosed. sigh. this is a preview of it...
den we(me and jl) bought a top at 16bucks... cheap right... from ebase... i like it a lot...

and den, we ttrotted our way to orchard, and stationed at the OG for very long time... and dorothy perkins was having a sale, and of course, we have to zoom right in there...

ended up, we went hmv... nothing much to see, cuz it was all for youngsters and those who'd hyperventilated themselves and did nothing but ventilate(gist, is that they dont eat). lol. okie lar okie lar. i'm fat, okay?

hahas. and well, a note to end this, i truly miss my poly galfrens... hais... i wish to see them soon! =( and i've got a wish: to watch Just Like Heaven! -soon!-