Why?

i've got zillions and trillions of why-s for everything. perceived as only from kids, but no. i'm asking that as well.

anywayz, yesterday, mon, which happens to be V-day, my girlfriends exchanged gifts with each other...i'm sure each and every one of us is happi... =) went to bishan with 'em, had KFC. letchmi was kicking up a fuss as to what to eat, wanted to eat pasta mania in the first place, but couldnt cuz it wasnt halal... den, we're left with only KFC, long john's and MAC. duhs. KFc. had two piece meal shared with joyln... my stomach was restored to full balloon after the meal.. joyln bought me a rose, and i was damn awkward holding it! sue, grace and sharon each bought me separate gifts, and i did the same too...i bought them friendship bands; though it's cheap, but it reps eternal friendship b/w us... =) *frens forever*

den after skool, i asked jinling and jeannie over to my place... did nothing much, watched the teevee and den had a small game. am currently the *princess of gamble* as bestowed to me by him. they left shortly, 3 hrs later, when my mom came home. and sadly, my mom got into an angry-but-it's-her-fault prob. i feel pity for her... angry to her colleagues. they'd ill-treated her. i'm angry.

and when da-kor came home, he saw me using the comp and casually asked if i havent went out... geez. a chinese saying is applied here: rub salt to my wounds.

but i dun realli blame roy. cuz he's gotta work. it's not as if he's out with others. so, doesnt really matter. term-test and his billiard practises has been taking up most of him time. how i wish, he can be invisible to me. so i wont care, think, of him. it really aches my heart. though i know i very much cant compare myself with those things that morally not supposed to, i still did. and now, i'm at home, while he's out at Orchid Country Club playing billiard with him friends. sometimes i realli wonder why must i be a girl. why? a girl has lots of restrictions. :cant go out late, cant do this, cant do that. why? sometimes i wonder am i still in his heart. ouch. my heart is slowly tearing up in pieces. and i can feel the pain, coming from within.

why am i always wanting to meet him, but, he doesnt even give a damn? sue's taught me that i should just let him initiate things, but sue, i'm sorry. i dunno why, but i cant. it's within me. wanting more. but ended up waiting takes up even more.

does friends realli mean so much to u? den what abt me? u want to talk to me when u feel like it, u want to meet me when u feel like it. when u have time but u wont want to meet me. what is all this abt? i'm realli worn-out. tired. crazed. fazed. dazed.

i hate u!!!!!!!

i hate u. why issit that when i need u the most u're not here?
u're weak! why do u always fall sick?! why am i always the one to take care of u?! why am i not the one being taken care of? what kind of bf are u. i hate u.
the most.

physically crashed. and burnt. i dun wanna live with(out) u.
i'm mentally tired. gone. i dun expect much.
from u, i failed. to be a good girlfriend.
i hate to be ur one.
i hate it.

i'm not suitable for u.
find a better girl.

if i'm gone,
will u be sad?

if i'm gone,
will u cry?

if i'm gone,
will u be happier?

only if i'm gone.
things will be much better.

Updates~

hey, i've updated my blog.. like the new look?

just as well, i've cleared the song. the current song playing is "Dont Say You Love Me" by The Corrs. issit nice? had a hard time uploading it, though!

anywayz, enjoy and have a merry holidays!

Eww.

awww. i dread updates. i used to have a up-temp poise, to update my blog. but now, i couldnt care less.

much has been done, much has been said. still, requested by mah girlfwen, sue, i'm to write my blog. not that i'm completely submissive, but i want to, cuz i'm bored. goddamn bored. i slog whole day in the house, yet i've got nothing. i feel so un-used. i feel so outta place in this house. why? do u even need me?

i certainly dun think so. i'm very pissed. so what if it's ur birthday? no big deal. big deal. ouch. and dad asked what to buy for meals today. i suggested noodles. and sec bro, too. and he said he wanted to cook some fried noodles. so, yes. i like them wet. with soup. and, yes. dad went to fried the noodles. what else? yes yes, the green-eye monster has gobbled me whole. but hell. i do care, even if i say i dun. my ONE bought smth for dad, a shirt. and i told dad that it was from him, he shook his head, and said that no need for him to give him a present. in a negative way.

i do loads,yet no good came out from them. what shall i do?

sink into depression? my usual style. but i wont let ppl notice it. only that they'll noe why i'm suddenly so happy.

my heart's broken. and no one can fix it.
i'm broke by someone i love so dearly.
everything of me is chipped. gone.