Righteous.

That's what i want and what Daryl(the psychic) said in the movie, Just like Heaven.

much was anticipated for my birthday, but i just ruined everything. i chose to let jealousy lead my nose, and i absently followed, but unwillingly accepting the fate i have now.

on 15th nov, my family decided to dine together, steamboat and everything, at home. and i got ridiculously quiet during the dinner, i dint noe what's gotten into me. prolly was my pms. and dad shelled a big-BIG prawn for me and placed it into my bowl. i dint noe why, i just kept quiet. i would usually be ecstatic, and yelled "thank you". but not then. after 2 mins, i returned the poor thing to dad's plate, and said so nonchalantly that i dint want it.

i supposed he got angry as well, and he left me out. he asked, so nonchalantly too, whether my bros are full.

after that, several incidents happened that tells me he aint very happy with me. and it left me without my sanity.

then i went out on both days, the eve, and the day of my birthday.

on 16th, went out with my girlfriends. was jumpy abt the meeting. really. but things were like, tearing apart. i cant stand it when we have seriously lesser common topics to converse in, and pretending that we're still very close and nice to each other. 7 of us went out, and unquestionably, one has to be by herself sometime. and not this one.

i dunno why. but i felt that she was pretentious. i mean, search me. she's just not what i think she's used to be. maybe we(read: refers to ppl, in general) just retained those pretty memories in our minds, that when we grow, the ugly ones tend to be thrown off. but they're(uglier ones) coming back again, refreshing my memory of the pure, ignorant times that we'd had, and contemplating the angst of the bad ones, too.

different. it's like, poles apart from the sweet memories that i'd had.

haiz. maybe i just havent grow up and mature and stop getting angry.

on thursday, i went out with her. went to watch the movie, just like heaven.

and again, fury's been sitting on my nose, too. she's kinda busy with her cellular when we're at the movie, and this was driving me crazy. of course, i'd like to comment about her and her stuff, face-to-face, and i guess i did it, but definitely, evading some other things that i tot may hurt her. i dont think i'm happy with what she's doing, but she neednt cared more of what i'm feeling. i mean, that's her life. i'm in no way to be standing at it and telling her what to do. i just hoped whatever she's doing, she enjoys it and gave serious thoughts about it. mayb it's no big deal to her, but i have no reason to get so uptight, but i just aint "loving it".

mayb i really shouldnt comment more. i guess each and every one of us just thinks what's best for them and does it. i mean, after posting this, she noes that i'm unhappy, but hell, i just want YOU to noe i'm not throwing my usual stupid tantrums.

and i think i wont mention names, cuz i dont think there's a need to. it's obvious.

i dunno it's her or me. haiz. big chance, could be me. i'm just gnashing my teeth, so tight, i need fake dentures soon.

i sat on the MRT, perpetually looking at my watch, afraid that the minutes-hand is not going to cross over to 12 soon, and the date skipping to "18". because if it does, i have no chance to rectify the moods i have on my birthday. but it did. my birthday just ended like that. i wasnt happy at all. really.

lots of ppl wished me happy birthday. i thanked them, but i'm not happy.

i have to do some soul-searching, and stop getting unhappy at the small little things that happen.

but the issue is, am i able to?

i'll try.

lycos just terminated my account. to no wish of mine. i think it's prolly cuz i uploaded some songs cussin'. but it's the song, not me, cussin'.



oh! and i became conscious that, i'm getting more and more hypocritical.



now, eradicate me, please.

=) i'm gay.

dont get me wrong. i'm a pure lady, who adores men to the max. i'm gay because, i'm happy!

went out today with jeannie, jinling and me. well, we've set up this club together, consisting of the three of us, called the "Ni Wo Ta club"... answering ur query(those non-chinese), "ni wo ta" means(loosely translated) you me her. LOL.

why call ourselves that? simple. it seems like we guys are drifting apart with our long-time frens. well, two of them, to be exact. they both are attached, and seemed far too busy to go out with us. and unenthusiastic too. prolly we(ni wo ta) are not as intresting as their boyfriends. -yawns- sad.

alright. return to the essence of my post. we went to plaza singapura to ate our lunch, which is the pizza that's been furiously hitting the commercials on the tv like no one's business. it was much anticipated, but we dint really fancy it. dunno why, prolly because no one's hungry, and that the food might really not taste pretty.

then, we took neo-prints! it costs us 3.30 each... expensive right?
somemore in the end, the pix wasnt those with what we'd chosed. sigh. this is a preview of it...
den we(me and jl) bought a top at 16bucks... cheap right... from ebase... i like it a lot...

and den, we ttrotted our way to orchard, and stationed at the OG for very long time... and dorothy perkins was having a sale, and of course, we have to zoom right in there...

ended up, we went hmv... nothing much to see, cuz it was all for youngsters and those who'd hyperventilated themselves and did nothing but ventilate(gist, is that they dont eat). lol. okie lar okie lar. i'm fat, okay?

hahas. and well, a note to end this, i truly miss my poly galfrens... hais... i wish to see them soon! =( and i've got a wish: to watch Just Like Heaven! -soon!-

Attachment. Period.

My fury is raging. everyone and everything seems to be driving me crazy. an amiss statement/question sets my frame of mind to combustion.

why.

why.

why.

yeah. u've guessed it. i've skipped the primrose oil capsules.

why?

u're so smart. the answer: no time. no remembrance. no prizes for u, though. neh ni neh ni pu pu.

=p.

aiya, sometimes must act cute mah, to mitigate tension in me. u noe.

and oh, attachment is... erm. quite alright. the colleagues, well, effectively, i'm only talking to one or two. lol. quite a lot already, can. i'm already taking a big stride in my life. hahhas.

my company is in tamp, and it takes me a great deal to travel there, u noe. i've to wake up at blardy 6.15. yaya, i mean, it's considered late to some of u. but do u have any idea, to be able to wake up later than ur peers before and now, having to wake up earlier than most ppl now just the thought makes me shudder.

btw, i'm meeting joyln tmr. hehes. we shall make meeting be our weekly affair. nothing indecent though. lol.

oh, and yeah. this week, at ard 6+ in the evening, loads of ppl clad in suits are taking the MRT from tanah merah interchange. heard from jinling that there might be an exchange program going on... and try to speculate this scene. loads of pretty boy ang mohs and asians are there too! -hurr hurr- hey, pretty, here i come! =x

yah, the usual. attachment is taking up like so much of my time, that i'm afraid me and him are really, drifting apart. communication breakdown, everything.

dont say i dint warn u.

nah! here's the pix we took last thurs over at the esplanade...


(psss... Look at the view behind us! yeepii!)






and today, with jinling:

.
.
.
.
-yawns- i'm going to be dormant in 3 secs.

zapped!

Angst is almost over. =)

I tell u, evening primrose oil capsules does help. in a way.

it sorta like, pushes my pms to the bottom of the pit.

which is a good thing.

learning how to curb my anger, anxiety, and angst is a very difficult task for me. and i realised that, once i keep my mouth shut, i suppose it can stop any inevitables to being evitable.

tmr i'm going to bf's house. he's sick. feverish. and i'll prolly study there tmr. well, what's there to do in his house, just staring at his mom and prolly the four faces of wall. shoot me.

=)

oh yeah, me and jinling went out on 14.09.2005, and we took a plenty of pix! well, this is the scenario:

we underwent this secret passage way that led us to the early 40-50's... and before we swooshed over, we quickly leashed out our phones and took these pix...




we finally reached the place, and damn! it was smelly! the coolie whom we chanced upon was carrying this heavy bag in his hands, and from his expressions, i noe he found it smelly too! look at his frowning eyebrows!



i den went to demand the "dirty matter" to the ang moh in charge. seems like i'm not the only one who's unhappy bt that matter. looks who's with me:


well, i guess the ang moh just wouldnt take it in his stride. i tried to use my "beauty tricks" this time...


but he still wouldnt budge! well, it's jinling's turn to use her tricks...
luckily, this malay man was convinced that jl could make the ang moh turn soft, and seemed pretty happy of his decision, and requested that jl take a pic before helping us tell the ang moh abt the "dirty matter".


and then, he even asked for jl's hands for a dance!

and look! that coolie on the extreme left seemed pretty happy now that the vicinity is perfume nice now! isnt that cool?

since our moods were so uplifted as we'd helped the poor fellow "clear the air", we leashed out our phones again, and took this pic:


and we'd realised a small ball of spectrum of light is heading behind us... and it's getting bigger...


and this is the last pic that we took before boarding onto that big machine(behind us) and came back into reality. hahas. shoot me.

I'm dissing!

I dunno why. but i'm angry. this belated pms hits me at the wrong time.

my period is gone, yet my pms is back. it's trying to stay, i realise. i ignored it a few times, but to no avail. it seems to me that it's even stronger than my will-power.

i'm angry with my "fren", i'm angry with my dearest, i'm angry with my family, i'm angry with myself. what am i supposed to do, to get rid of the demon from me?

oh, and btw, i saw Kelvin that time near my sch! he's... erm, shorter than most of us thought he'd be(okay, mayb only i thought he was quite tall)... and he was having this walking stick in his hand, and mind u, he's alone. i'm wondering if he could partially see things, or issit that his 23 years has led him to be used to what he has. i'm not doubting what he has, but i'm just curious. cuz if he's partially blind, i suppose he could do more things, like, dance? arhs. shag me.

and finally, the project and comm skills' common test are over. it's so passe now to mention "Communication Skills" or "oh no... our project still cant work... how?"!

i'm glad everything is over. and i wish, that my pms will be gone as well.

and it seems like, it's not. cuz, i'm still not very over with the thought of my "fren". every thought of her disses me off. and i'm sick of it, cuz i keep thinking bout it. arrghs.

and i'll try not to cuss online. lol.

but a little caution to you guys reading this, fuck off from me.

i said i'll TRY.

You're my superstar. =)

i admire the smoothness your vocal sounds, i admire your courage, i admire the way ur eyes "light" up with sparks. and all in all, i admire u. you're my superstar, kelvin tan wei lian.

if u happen to realise, i've been starting to root for kelvin tan since the day Project Superstar had begin showing. he's managed, without fail, to make me cry for every episodes he's in.

"It would be degrading him if it's said that we vote for him because we sympathise him" - one tv source.

it's very true. think abt it. he has a normal family, with fully-abled kins, yet, he's the only misfortunate one, with one disability - he's lost the ability to see. and it's definitely not his fault. the path he took was a long and narrow one. he had went through massive obstacles before coming to this road name "Stardom". it wasnt fair for him, when ppl said that his votes are all sympathy votes, even if he doesnt sing as well as the other contestants.

he has no teacher. no special trainings. nothing.

he started with zero. but bagged a million.

he wept. and i did too.

i'm just so proud that he won, and i'll definitely support him, by purchasing his cd.

and i'm happy for Kelly Poon, too. for, she's also a winner in my heart.

Kelvin Tan Wei Lian, You're The One.

Missing and Loving You

Hmmm. Bad news. my grandpa just passed away. This is the second time i'd lost a beloved kin within a year. But, well, at least he can accompany my grandma frm now. they wont be separated anymore. The way i see grandpa suffering from the pain, it's consolling that he'd left us for the better. He would be able to live better up there, with the two houses we'd burnt for them.


I miss you, and love you, too. I really DO.

and now, i'm piled with the load that the school is giving me. the project needs to be done, and i really shouldnt have blogged at the first place. but den again, i'm just giving excuses for myself. i'll do it once i get the software from sharon.

it's been an exciting week for most of us, rushing to do this and that. luckily the proj module teacher had it's independent marker calling in for sick leave, if not i dont think we would be able to see the daylight after monday. we've to do a presentation next week, followed by a quiz, and den the week after, we'll be having our final presentation and another assignment to be due. of course, not forgetting the other final test that we have to take for XML.

enuff of the stress. i'm trying to turn optimistic. "Things are looking good, arent they?" it's a foolish perception.
btw, i'd taken these several pic that i think would be quite interesting... lol. (i think?)

i see u again, bb.

-My hyper cute Niece! n she shares the same birth date as me! =) -


- i'm eyeing this shirt currently! haha, a bit psychotic to take it, though.-


- Hahas, me and jinling at ... Spotlight! and sorry for my sorry state, my hair hasnt been good that day -


- mom always comments that my smile is so fake. -

New template

Eyy! like the new skin of mine? well! it's the original template of blogger! i like the pink; the way it wraps the content of my stuff, and the way it's organised... it's very unlike my previous skin, though. well, i'm sure that i may b changing skins quite often from now, as i realised the original skins are candy sweet! =)

more skins at: blogSkins. they incorporate thousands and thousands of pretty skins by bloggers themselves, but i had a hard time finding the one i like, cuz they're all so pretty!

okie, okie, concentrate on my e-diary.
woke up at ard 12.45 today, after i heard mom drop the electronic blood pressure kit. den she came and woke me up, saying that i should wake up earlier to clear the mess in the house. =( den, had "breakfast" and surfed the net. realising it was high time to change the skin of my blog, i reluctantly clicked on the "Pick New" hyperlink at the template page. it was den i realised that they had great choices for fantastic looking temps! i think Thisaway Rose and Dots Dark make great choices for blog skins... but i liked mine the best. haha, obvious, whch is why i chosed it.

den jeannie came at ard 4 to do some work on my comp, and i had this impulsive thought that we should watch "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" we watched the show until like, 9+, i dint keep track of the time. i dint quite enjoy it though, cuz i was sneezing my way, and feelng cold and sick inside. i have this hunch that i'm going to get feverish, with the constant mucus flowing outta my nose as if backing up my hunch. but i took my temp, it was perfect. 36.9. not sick. but, duhs. i dunno. mayb something in me is de-functioning.

hahas. but even though i'm sick, i still had some creativity in me. came from nowhere, i had this ridiculous picture and it appeared to look like this: haha! have a good luff!

Jeannie's Bday!

Firstly, i'd like to say a very happy belated birthday to JEANNIE!!! yayyy! we celebrated it for her a day earlier, cuz i was kinda afraid that i have to meet him on sunday, which is her actual birthday(17-07), so jinling suggested to celebrate it with her on sat(16th/july) instead...

first, i met jinling and jeannie at the amk contr. station. the 3 of us wore white tops. den we were speculating if sharon would wear a yellow top or pink top. no. she wore white too!!!

okay, the start of the day, we went Changi Expo to work as a surveyer. but indeed, we failed as we're not cut out to be the position as said. one thing, we're not going to open up to strangers and ask them to help us with our survey, and the other thing is that, shannon(our in charge) is terribly late. and we'll get miserably paid if we still get stuck there, so we decided to call it quits with shannon. den we headed to changi airport, using the smart invention from mr ong teng chiong, the MRT(!!)... this is the pic we took while we're going back and on our way to meet our frens(shiyun-she wore white too!, hweeshan-white!!!!, wendy-yellow =( ) in city hall.. geez. look at the majestic view behind us!

next, we headed to dine at cafe cartel in marina square(ms). i ordered , shiyun ordered as her desert(slurrps!), and jinling ordered softshell crab with blahblahblah. and man, ms do change a hell lot. it's really changed from head to toe, and we have to explore it again and again before we can really know the directions of the shops well!

we then went to pan pac(yes, again again, again!) to take the lift to level 37. this is the pic we took in da lift, stayed there for awhile, explored it's swimming pool when we heard fireworks! damn, it's the NDP rehearsal! hahaha... we were all screaming with joy, and exclaiming how beautiful the view looked. and the ang moh who was swimming in the pool prolly got a shock. he stopped swimming when he heard the bomb-like sounds, in the middle of the pool.

hahs, den next stop will be the ritz carlton hotel. i tell u, they even have this "usher" at the back door and opens the door for ya! man. and we rested our tired feets at their .... i dunno what they call it. it's like the living room of the hotel or some sort. it's def not their lobby, cuz it's located at level 1, but their lobby is at level 3. man. i dunno how to explain, but i hope u get my drift. neways, i went to kaypoh kaypoh at the pool side again, and there's this waterfall just in front of the pool. and i took one pic of it . i wanted to take the pool sight, cuz it's just so pretty, but jinling said i acted like a mountain tortoise. so i decided not to.

hees. btw, i've wrote quite enuff in this post. -yawns- i need to sleep. and check the previous post. i'd added pix to illustrate what i was saying!

Ageing population.

This is crazy. i aint obsessed with social studies. but, it's taught us that dunno-when, singapore's __% of the population will be 55 yrs and abv. and they meant soon. and so here i am, joining the aged population already.

my brains dah... they just dont work as well as before. i've thought of everything to blog, and all of a sudden, they just left me like that. stranded. with the remaining thoughts of... food. FOOD?! yeah, i'm hungry. i cant think. but, i still stick onn to the point that i've aged. quite a bit.

and yes! i did take that berrynice yogurt today. in school. -yummys- the idea of having it in my big clumsy hands just elates me to the max.

alright, back to the "point". i went pulau ubin yesterday, with him and his frens(darren-i'll just call him koh, koh's gf[yixia], david, darren)... and cycled. eyyy, wait. i realised i am really bad in organising the topics when i post/did composition/write. arrghs. whatever. okie, we cycled, and i'm sure we were drenched with our perspiration. n during the track, we cycled through rounds and rounds of mangosteen trees, rambutan trees and durian trees.
and as koh was a resident of pulau ubin, he knew how to hit the fruits down with branches fallen off the trees. and so, some of us ate mangosteens, rambutans. but i resisted some. and we cycled to this place near the jetty and it was semi-flooded with fertilisers. man. the smell of it... -squeeze nose- hee. den yixia and i took lots of pictures of the flowers, etc. and we all saw a super extraordinary phenomenon on the sky. man, the sun was behind the cloud, and there's this lining of spectrum of colors ard the cloud... i donno if we dint notice the sky usually, it just looked fantastic yesterday.

--wow-ed-- and den we went back to the shophouse of koh's granny and bathed. woooot. the water was damn...chilly! ouch. it just sent thrills down ur spine... but it's damn shiok lar. u bath with cold water once in a while. . . =p

we proceeded to munch-munch time at the stall next to it. this is the view in front of us. we all ate fried rice and had coconuts for "beverage"... david and darren ordered one extra plate of hor-fun. but they dint quite manage to finish it. den after munching, we went back to mainland. had mixed fruits for deserts and bf, koh and david ordered fried kway tiao. i was so amazed by bf's apettite yesterday. i think he really can eat lor... he ate the fried rice, fried kway tiao, and he really finished the food man.

bf and me were like free loaders. they were paying for everything yesterdaay, and it sorta makes me guilty. haiz. loaded. for free.

lol. well, in other words, if i wanna try to console myself, they are rich.

oh yeah. and today, joyln came bback!!! to school! how i missed her man. hai. i just am missing her presence every now and then. and not quite used to not having her ard us... but here, she's back! but she can only be with us during breaks...
=(

but better than nothing right?

enuff for today, my hands are quite sore now. from typing. lol

see u again!

=)

hi.

it's sat afternoon and i'm at home, rotting my wayy.

and the truth is, there' actually loads of household chores for me to finish.

yesterday was a busy, busy day for me. i attended school at 10, and the lesson finished at 12. me and my galfrens ate lunch, and played tennis. man, the sun was just scorching hot. and this reminded me. China's temp went as high as 39deg celcius! man. if i were there, i bet i must be couched up in the sofa like a big potato... okie, back to story. we played till ard 3.30, and we decided to leave. i reached home at ard 4.10 and jinling came at ard 4.45... man. when i at home alone, i wished that i actually dont have to go out, hunting for clothes. but den again, the thought of little clothes, made me go bonkers, and i aactually went out.

first, we went orchard. i thought i will, frm now on, stop detesting the fact that it's crowded on weekend nights. cuz it's not as bad nowadays. i kinda enjoyed yesterday's shopping session. =) it's great! it just feels GOOD.

and i bought a belt and long-sleeved tee. jinling and i bought the same, 'cept that she dint buy the belt. and it was ard 2200, that i decided that we go over to suntec, in hope that there's midnight shopping. so, we trottled all the way from somerset to suntec city, and reached there at ard 2230. little knowing that there wasnt any midnight shopping avail. the only on-going and crowded place was the sophisticated bar just outside suntec. man. and we stopped over at Mac's.
i tried that "berrynice yogurt" and jinling had her milo. i tot the yogurt was good. =) *yum-s*

ps.: it doesnt look that appealing in this pic!

if i'm in school, i'll def get more of it again. okie lars. i'll stop here.

OH BTW!!!!! me and some of my galfrens saw DAVID BECKHAM in school! -yeee hah!-

DAVID BECKHAM!

Yawnz. zZzZzZz.

if i have any typo errors or anything, dont blame me. i'm tired. but den again, there's nothing much i can do if u suggest to laze around. i dun like that idea. so, i decided to come online. and i can do nothing much online, so i decided to blog. (as if, blogging isnt to laze ard, wasting time. -_-)

my life, is having its fair share of hiccups now. almost broke up with him today. cuz i dunno why. i'm just getting irritated sooo soooo sooo very easily, even worse than the last time i'd blogged, and i just wanna kill myself.

i'm a scorpio. but that doesnt give me the excuse for breaking out so easily. i think i have to get a clear view and face the music. i'm a person with hyper-sensitive-ness. it's always with me. and now, i'm trying to get away with the norm and shake that off me. it's a plague. it's jinx.

school's started for a month and a half, but it seems like i'm still not into my studies. i dint even print the notes out, for pete's sake. but i cant flunk my acads this yr. if not, i'll waste my 2 yrs in NYP.

hmmmmm... actually i blogg just to crrap. noww, i thiink i'll jusst have tto leaave. i emm tiireed. yyyyyyawwwnnnsss

Yawns.

I'm now currently in school, taking a toil in the DCL lab. the teacher wasnt really concerned abt us, neither were we to ourselves. we were just doing our stuff. sharon went home early, cuz she's having a toll on her abdomen as well. grace is working on her blog, letchmi is listening to some tamil pop songs, and lijun is staring into the monitor that i'm now typing this shit at.

"Yah." was what she said after she read these stuff. anywayz, i've got nothing much to blog on...

on sat, i went for my relative's birthday party. she was 80. and mind u, she still looks as agile as an ape. serious. memories are flashing back. my grandma, at the age of 76, sure doesnt look a single bit like her. but she was as cheerful as the other relative of mine.. and that day, bf dint msg/call me for the whole day. i tot he was sleeping, and i just msged him casually that i'm on my way to the dinner. and he replied, sayying that he was on his way(too) to the hospital. i wasnt surprised. kinda expected, but i dint noe that he'll only inform me so last minn. i noe his intentions, not to make me rush down to acc him there, but den again, not telling me doesnt solve any problems as well..

and yesterday, i went out with sharon, jinling and shiyun. we went orchard and, hell, we spent like, 3 hrs just in far east plaza alone. and i had to leave early as i had to go over his place. but newayz, we bought ourselves each a pair of earrings and took some neoprints. and we just loitered ard the place. and jinling said her fling saw her. melvin. lol. but none of us saw him! prolly he was hiding somewhere and stalking on jinling. lol.

and when i went over to his place, i dint have much to do. i was staring at the tv in his living room, with his entire family. mom, sis, him. and he decided that it was high time to go watch the movie, unleashed, which stars Jet Li and some other actors. i tot this movie was an insult to the Chinese, as Jet li was starring as the Dog of some english bastard. really. but nevertheless, he managed to kill the bastard and paved the way for his own. lol. i'd grade the show... B-. and it's quite short, btw. it's like, from 9.30-11.15.

and there's something that's kinda troubling me. i cant see my future with him. he gambled the 700odd bucks in genting just this april, and he's making a comeback later this june. he said he wants to get back his "deposit" there. but i'm thinking, he doesnt save, and what'll happen to our future? i dread thinking bout this, but i just cant help it, cuz i'm a scorpio. he's 26 this yr and has just a single cent in the bank accnt. what is up with him. does he even consider abt the future? why does he always spend the money in just a few days when he has the money? does splurging to him seems like a hobby to him instead? i'm confused. i reallly am. =(

did i say i had nothing to blog on? lol. well, i was just kidding.

Monster day!

man. today was really hell for me.

woke up at 6 to wake him up and slept for another effective 0.5hr or so. and had to get up to get dressed for work. and this terrible headache struck me and i also felt like killing myself.

had to practically drag my feet to work; they seemed like they were on iron balls. and jl too. tired like hell. it wasnt as if we were still boozed out today, but i just think that we had insufficient sleep.

and man, work starts and 9 and it's still hell for us. though it's our last day of work today, i still feel like gettin' it over and done with cuz my headache is really taking the toll outta me.

and went bugis village for lunch. had laksa and jl had rice. and i bought my sexy man's disc. man. he's got me droolin' babeh!

and he's got such soulful voice, i believe i'm still swooning over him w/o listening or seeing him. lemme show u his pic!

and den, i went home and slept for like, 1.5hrs before meeting bf. went to watch monster-in-law and man! the male lead is a hunk too! and he's damn romantic in it, i wish i can b jLo in that shoW! i'd grade the show A- as it showed the process of how jLo met her man and how his mom tortured her. man. good show though i have some grudges against jLo.

and after the show, went to makan at amk hawker. had western food and headed home next. and my headaache disappeared after seeing him. =)

Wonder-woman.

wondering who's the wonder woman here? it's me.

i'm the wonder-woman. the woman who wonders whenever she can. and after wondering, she wonders.

i wonder what it would be like if i can be with a guy of my dreams, caring, gentle, not an mcp.

i dun really like one of my gal pal's bf; he's too much of an MCP and is not acting like himself. u noe, putting up a front to others. very showy, but has got nothing to boast abt. lol.

i wonder if there's ever the story of an happy ending, even though tiny upsets do help to a blissful couple sometime. but den again, too much of something aint good. too much of happiness is bad, and too much of quarrels are even worse.

went cb yesterday, with jinling and catharine. cat's a sec sch fren of mine and we hadnt meet up for a very long time already. bt she's still very keen on coming with us although she has to work at 10 this morning. kudos to her. yesterday night was great. reach cb at ard 12 and man. it's got to be groovin', baby! had a drink before hittin' the dance floor, and it was, man, hot. bodies were touching one another, but none bothered to give another a look. they were too absorbed in their own dancing.

wwent toilet after 45 mins, and had another drink. it can be really gruelsome w/o the liquid man. went to the dance floor again, but this time, slightly tired. i'm not sure if i'm worn out by the dance and my energy level's lowered drastically, or the alcohol in me is playing a part. went to the washroomm again, and back to the floor. man. that was the time i really felt the fatigue coming through, and by that time, there wasnt good music left. so, we decided to leave the place.

jl stayed over, and we reached home at ard 4. washed up and we chatted, till about 5.45 this morning. talked abt lots of things, till i discovered that i really had no energy left. and so we slept. and i got up at 11 this morning. but had already realised that jl had already woke up... and she said she's heading home, so i dint persuade her, as she said she hadnt slept well over my place..

after she left, i went str8 back to sleep. and i had the most absurd dream, ever. i dreamt of my sec sch teacher, whom i had a crush on. he taught me pe and english lang the time and in my dreams, he was sweatty and wearing the sports attire. he told me that his mom just passed away, and i consoled him and we HUGGED. den we stood up and went ard, holding hands. i asked what'll happen to his wife and toddler, he told me he was tired. man, this dream is damn weird! wasnt any kinda wet dreams, i'm certain of. and i had absolutely NO idea why this dream came abt. prolly like what they say, dreams are always the opposite of reality.

but i have had dreams which are so sweet, i really feel like sleeping and be absorbed in the candy times.

well, i'm ending abruptly here. cuz i need to pursue my dreams(literally) now. so long! =)

Jars of Misses..

Hmmm, it's been quite a time since i last updated this blog.

nothing much's happened, and not much updating to do.

went out with jinling for more than a couple of times a week; other than working, that is. and i've added quite a number of entries to my wardrobe. and yes, i've got myself a bargain when i've got a Guess wallet at less 20%! i bought it at OG, as it's having this hol sales.... there aint other sales for Guess other than OG ya noe. nono, there is. one at Taka Square. but, those designs there are quite out, so... check 'em out at OG instead. . . the sales is ending tmr! so move fast!

and while cleaning up my wardrobe this afternoon, i'd realised that i'd bought clothes which they cant really fit me anymore and looks really gross. and it just incurred to me that i bought them outta impulse. and, they look really off-fashion now. damn. waste my money! mah stupid brains. toot.

i bought a cleo yesterday, and it had an article abt saving up. yeah, i discovered that saving is the best alternative if i want to shop. i cant depend on my parents anymore. yaya, i mean allowance is a neccessity, but, other than that, they dun really provide me with extra blings. so, that's why, i noe that i have to scrimp and save especially i have nights to hit next week. have dinner with jinling and co., meet up with my darliing girlfwens, prolly go clubbing(i desire!), and hit the ktv.

i'm weak financially now, and hope that when my dad gives me my weekly allowance tmr, i'll be able to do those things listed abv. and get them DONE.

so much for now. tata...!

Dissin' Off.

i dunno why. but after i've read up a novel, i've been realising that i'm snapping so much often like the lead female in the story.

i snap up at the smallest irritating molecule, killing the happiness i had in me before.
the happiness is always short-lived and i really have a low tolerance threshold to start with.

i just couldnt think that my parents can be sooooo biased over their kids, and this is driving me crazy. mayb u dun like reading my posts cuz they're always filled with anger and sorrow, and never happy. but this is my life. i ought to search for a new one, drive up my patience level and tolerance, if not, i'll always be the unhappy one.

they say that parents WILL be biased. like the fingers on our hands? they're not equal. some short, some long. just like parents treating kids. some with high respect, but some with really low-loving ratings.

my parents expect me to do the chores in the house, claiming that they're tired and that they should take a rest. i know that working is a chore, and tiring event. but then again, why do they expect me to do it, but not my siblings? i wonder if they want me to tag along with them wherever they go is cuz they cant get my brothers to go with them?

should i not caare abt them? should i ignore them? i feel so stuffed in this house, i need a breather sometimes. but my mom is constantly breathing down my neck by what i should do to the house to contribute the least.

and that IS really getting on my nerves. why do they even not ask my brothers to do it? why do they go out and party and my parents feel it's okay for them? why do i go out and yet they think i'm wasting the limited resources, in this case, it's the money.

i dun see the reason why i'm being treated so indifferently here.
just because imma girl, that doesnt explain anything. i DO help out, yet they expect more than just that.

i dunno what to do else, i need to seek refuge from one. i need a brain-reader, and see what they really want. do they not want me? or do they just want to have a free maid in the house?

this is childish, but that's how i feel. regardless of what u feel, that's how i feel.

tell me that my parents love me. cuz i dont feel so.

Dragged.

dont be mistaken. it's just that i'm weary. not so much now, cuz i've just napped for say, 30mins just now?

and "surprised, surprised!", how surprised that we're back together again. everything's okie b/w us.

and i've started working as a telemarketer, and it seriously starts to stress me out. it's the stress which will carry itself out when one's managed to clinch an appointment, and u can only look at urself and blame it on ur ill-fate and downfall and zero-appointment list.

our in-charge, has over manpowered. the whole office of PhillipCapital, has been invaded of it's half by us, the TM. telemarketers in short. and we got noticed today that we will only we working for 3 days a week instead of 4/5 days per week.

i'm more than happy to be not able to work more than 3 days in a row. but the thought of reduced pay, i'm more than sorrow.

and now, i got to realise that, no matter where i go, there'd always be this person who'd suck up to those in higher position than we do. i cant hate them, in fact, i do admire what their doing.

what these suckers are doing, are actually smth which i cant even start. i dun even noe how to start a decent conversation, needless to say, to get groovy-savvy with the other party. so, i really do admire what suckers do for life, and i only have to blame myself for being so very stupid.

now my comp seems to be in a weird position. the same time i'm typing this shit, it sortta like, lags?

dunno if i typed too fast, so much faster than how the computer can react to.

lol.

not possible lar. i'm just sick in the head. PSYCHED. (this is a new word which i've picked up from, Eye for a Guy2, which were telecast earlier. i dunno it's meaning, but heck. lol_)

so much for today.

read up the next post! =) -bleahss-

To the Moon and Back

After so many months of blogging and constant reminders of him, we'd broke up already. released from the tensions and stress each time we were to quarrel.

however. i'm still not quite over it yet. Afterall, it has been 1 yr and 2 months of being together. i couldnt give it up. mayb it's jus that now that i couldnt do it. prolly "time will wash away the tears and pain..." as what his mom told me.

his mom called me this morning. say, 11.30. but i was still sleeping. still, i woke up to answer her call. she told me not to feel sad. cuz it's just not worth it. said that i'm still young, and prolly when i step into the working social life, i'd be able to noe more people, a lot better than her own son, who'd treat me 101% more than how he treated me before.

but i couldnt think of it that way. i noe i have to face it. he's not my type and i'm just not his. but i still cant give up. i cant just let my relationship which i placed much hopes in just went crushing like this.

but i really have to face it... that we're no longer together. and that we cant be together.

mayb now and then, i'll cry myself to sleep each time i think of him. like what i did this morning. but i dun wanna destroy my eyes. i dun want it puffy and swollen.

prolly, i'll just do something to myself and make him regret that he's lost a good choice.

i love you but i hate u.

Assorted. Accumulated. Clumped.

23rd April' 2005
Went to my cousin's, Lily, wedding ceremony...
It was held around the church in Novena area and, damned. the ceremony took longer than i'd expected. I'd attended one when i was much younger, my mom practically dragged me to it. but this recent one had me sit through it quietly and sobbing so loudly after my cousin said her thank you-s.

It was a difficult task to even acknowledge that the cousin i've visited her house ever-so-often is married. there was much controversy when she wasnt even attached at the age of prolly, i think, 29. my mom used to worry for her and her sister, that they cant get themselves attached. not that they are non good-lookers, but in actual fact, they are good looking, but they're still not attached only till recent years. and Lily's 32 now. Golden ripe age for KIDS!

i feel so happy for her. her husband's a doctor. same age as her. quite good-looking, in a decent way. and very charismatic. i'm so happy for her. really.

and i sure does pity that poor couple, whom cant take their lunch in time cuz they have to take pix all da way!

24th April'2005
Jeannie asked me out. i was shocked that she did.

but anywyaz, i went out with her and jinling. she wanted to buy a phone and some formal clothings, and i wanted to shop, so i tagged along. we went to causeway point(cp) to look for the formal tops. myy. that place is flooded with maternity and kiddos' clothes.

she got herself a top at OSMOSE. a shop which is only meant for the skinnies. i think my body will just rip the whole top off, if i were to don on one. but anywayz. the top that jeannie bought was nice. and she wanted to look for hp. and we'd decided that cp wasnt the right place to look for one, so we head back to our hometown, Ang Mo Kio. and jinling went back home le. with her family.

in the end,jeannie dint manage to buy any phones, cuz i thought it was quite a haste and that she sitll hasnt seen one which has met her eyes. so we ended up getting a haircut.

and mine, which unfortunately looks like this:


25th april'2005
Went to attend Lily's wedding dinner at the meritus hotel. luckily this time around, her thank-you speech dint really drive my eyes to tears. i dun wanna look fugly at that kinda event. the food was, so-so lar.

and prolly by now, they'll be heading to japan. for their honeyymoon! lol. oh btw, my other cousin said thaat lily's husband's family did object to them being together before. cuz of their incompatible job scope. lily's a social worker, while her husband's a doc. what the hell. i hate snobs.

27th april'2005
Went out with sharon for a job hunt. met up at 5.30pm at city hall and headed to bugis. went for an interview at one of the buildings there as an telemarketer. geez. i doubt they'll call. but the pay's damn bagus lar. $8-12 bucks per hour. and prolly even more if we'd close a case. lol. but it seems like money's not coming my way.

dined at shaw tower's tanaka jap restaurant. and we both had ramen. and i thought it kinda tasted like maggie mee. =-

dint taste as good as i'd expected.

and after dinner, bf says that he wants to meet me. so, i went to his place and hees. he shoved me this present he bought for me with awkwardness. "Nah! For you." and i opened it.

it looked like this:


and when i pressed its belly, it would light up:


and sqeak:"MUUUAackz! I love you!"

and i jumped with joy. in my head. lol.
i'm trying to show off now. =p


28th April'2005
went out with jinling and sharon in a job-hunting event. we went to ask for a sales job at bugis. u noe. selling handbags. sharon had to commence the job tmr. cuz they need ppl. but jinling and i agreed in silence that it wasnt a job that we both will want. so we lied that we may be only starting work on the 1st of may. prolly going to turn it down if they really were to call us. cuz i dint like it much.

oh yeah, and we bought t-shirts for ourselves. and i bought an additional belt cuz myy current one is going to rot.
sharon's bought her yesterday. and jinling and i went to the orchard library. it's been ages since i last caught up with a novel. i wanna improve on my english, DESPERATE! i sound liek shit now when i converse in english!

and yes, jinling and sharon saw my hairstyle, they both commented that i look better with the previous one.

-End-