To the Moon and Back

After so many months of blogging and constant reminders of him, we'd broke up already. released from the tensions and stress each time we were to quarrel.

however. i'm still not quite over it yet. Afterall, it has been 1 yr and 2 months of being together. i couldnt give it up. mayb it's jus that now that i couldnt do it. prolly "time will wash away the tears and pain..." as what his mom told me.

his mom called me this morning. say, 11.30. but i was still sleeping. still, i woke up to answer her call. she told me not to feel sad. cuz it's just not worth it. said that i'm still young, and prolly when i step into the working social life, i'd be able to noe more people, a lot better than her own son, who'd treat me 101% more than how he treated me before.

but i couldnt think of it that way. i noe i have to face it. he's not my type and i'm just not his. but i still cant give up. i cant just let my relationship which i placed much hopes in just went crushing like this.

but i really have to face it... that we're no longer together. and that we cant be together.

mayb now and then, i'll cry myself to sleep each time i think of him. like what i did this morning. but i dun wanna destroy my eyes. i dun want it puffy and swollen.

prolly, i'll just do something to myself and make him regret that he's lost a good choice.

i love you but i hate u.

Assorted. Accumulated. Clumped.

23rd April' 2005
Went to my cousin's, Lily, wedding ceremony...
It was held around the church in Novena area and, damned. the ceremony took longer than i'd expected. I'd attended one when i was much younger, my mom practically dragged me to it. but this recent one had me sit through it quietly and sobbing so loudly after my cousin said her thank you-s.

It was a difficult task to even acknowledge that the cousin i've visited her house ever-so-often is married. there was much controversy when she wasnt even attached at the age of prolly, i think, 29. my mom used to worry for her and her sister, that they cant get themselves attached. not that they are non good-lookers, but in actual fact, they are good looking, but they're still not attached only till recent years. and Lily's 32 now. Golden ripe age for KIDS!

i feel so happy for her. her husband's a doctor. same age as her. quite good-looking, in a decent way. and very charismatic. i'm so happy for her. really.

and i sure does pity that poor couple, whom cant take their lunch in time cuz they have to take pix all da way!

24th April'2005
Jeannie asked me out. i was shocked that she did.

but anywyaz, i went out with her and jinling. she wanted to buy a phone and some formal clothings, and i wanted to shop, so i tagged along. we went to causeway point(cp) to look for the formal tops. myy. that place is flooded with maternity and kiddos' clothes.

she got herself a top at OSMOSE. a shop which is only meant for the skinnies. i think my body will just rip the whole top off, if i were to don on one. but anywayz. the top that jeannie bought was nice. and she wanted to look for hp. and we'd decided that cp wasnt the right place to look for one, so we head back to our hometown, Ang Mo Kio. and jinling went back home le. with her family.

in the end,jeannie dint manage to buy any phones, cuz i thought it was quite a haste and that she sitll hasnt seen one which has met her eyes. so we ended up getting a haircut.

and mine, which unfortunately looks like this:


25th april'2005
Went to attend Lily's wedding dinner at the meritus hotel. luckily this time around, her thank-you speech dint really drive my eyes to tears. i dun wanna look fugly at that kinda event. the food was, so-so lar.

and prolly by now, they'll be heading to japan. for their honeyymoon! lol. oh btw, my other cousin said thaat lily's husband's family did object to them being together before. cuz of their incompatible job scope. lily's a social worker, while her husband's a doc. what the hell. i hate snobs.

27th april'2005
Went out with sharon for a job hunt. met up at 5.30pm at city hall and headed to bugis. went for an interview at one of the buildings there as an telemarketer. geez. i doubt they'll call. but the pay's damn bagus lar. $8-12 bucks per hour. and prolly even more if we'd close a case. lol. but it seems like money's not coming my way.

dined at shaw tower's tanaka jap restaurant. and we both had ramen. and i thought it kinda tasted like maggie mee. =-

dint taste as good as i'd expected.

and after dinner, bf says that he wants to meet me. so, i went to his place and hees. he shoved me this present he bought for me with awkwardness. "Nah! For you." and i opened it.

it looked like this:


and when i pressed its belly, it would light up:


and sqeak:"MUUUAackz! I love you!"

and i jumped with joy. in my head. lol.
i'm trying to show off now. =p


28th April'2005
went out with jinling and sharon in a job-hunting event. we went to ask for a sales job at bugis. u noe. selling handbags. sharon had to commence the job tmr. cuz they need ppl. but jinling and i agreed in silence that it wasnt a job that we both will want. so we lied that we may be only starting work on the 1st of may. prolly going to turn it down if they really were to call us. cuz i dint like it much.

oh yeah, and we bought t-shirts for ourselves. and i bought an additional belt cuz myy current one is going to rot.
sharon's bought her yesterday. and jinling and i went to the orchard library. it's been ages since i last caught up with a novel. i wanna improve on my english, DESPERATE! i sound liek shit now when i converse in english!

and yes, jinling and sharon saw my hairstyle, they both commented that i look better with the previous one.

-End-

And this is mine. See the difference?

Scorpio - Your Love Profile Your positive traits: You're red hot passion makes anyone you date feel extremely wanted Loyalty, to the point of doing anything to protect your lover You are mysterious and charismatic - and you easily draw people in Your negative traits: You tend to be paranoid and think that the worst is going on with your lover You turn cold and mean at the first sign of conflict in relationship You sometimes become obsessed with dates - so much so that you develop jealousy early on Your ideal partner: Someone who will take the time to win you over. Not an easy task! Is able to keep up with your carnal appetite... lots of stamina needed. Reassures you of their love and loyalty on a daily basis. Your dating style: Intense. You prefer to stay in with take out and conversation - so that no one else is distracting you and your date. Your seduction style: Hot. New partners have trouble believing that your libido is for real. You have incredible sexual intuition - you always know what your lover craves A bit bossy. You know what you want, and you certainly aren't afraid to ask for it. Tips for the future: Don't be so secretive with your love - they want you the way you are Let go of your jealousy. Your partner has chosen *you* Spend more time alone, doing things you love. It will help you be less obsessive. Best color to attract mate: Dark red Best day for a date: Tuesday

His Love traits. I'd highlighted those which are true in purple~

Gemini - Your Love Profile Your positive traits: Your lively, outgoing attitude attracts people to you everywhere you go. You can talk your way into - and out of - any situation you desire. You're adaptable enough to flirt with anyone - and people tend to fight over you. Your negative traits: You get easily bored in relationships, and tend to jump from person to person. You tend to be a bit of a player - and have a high tolerance for drama in relationships. Not the most emphathetic person, you tend to tell lovers to "get over" their problems. Your ideal partner: Is intelligent and quick witted enough to keep you interested. Is a bit of a shape shifter, providing you with the variety you crave. An open minded person, who's willling to have a non-traditional relationship. Your dating style: Exciting. If your date shows you a new experience (like Egyptian food or scuba diving), you're very happy. Your seduction style: Experimental: it's rare that you try the same thing twice. Ultra kinky - you do stuff that's not even in books yet. Hot and cold... sometimes you're just not into the whole sex thing. Tips for the future: Settle down a little. Sometimes good things come with time - so don't let people go so fast. Acknowledge that you're a player and flirt. If your mate can't live with this, find someone who can. Give your partner a little more attention. You don't have to be a social butterfly all the time. Best color to attract mate: Sunny yellow Best day for a date: Wednesday Get your free love profile at Blogthings.

Quiz, quiz and more quizzes for me, puhlease!

Visited sue's blog and she had these postings on it... so i decided to try. though not as bagus as hers, i still liked my results... hee.
and yesterday, i watched some dating kinda show on Channel U. even the horoscope guru said that gemini and scorpio coupling is a tough nut to be together.

and i've summed it up. it might not be a good thing IF i really were to get married to him. not for the horoscope's sake, but, seriously, i'm beginning to think if he's the ONE for me. i love him still, but i have to accept the reality.

Cold and lonely.

Well, i dunno what to put for the title. mayb, something sad. so that u feel intrested to read it up.
neways. went to a dinner at a temple yesterday night. saw this guy from my entrepreunuership class. again. for the sec time when i've had that kinda dinner. i tot he wanted to talk to me, but i just acted blur.

i tot my actions were fooley, and went str8 back home and search him in friendster. wanted to apologise for my actions, but it turned out that he hasnt even noticed me.

blardy shit. and i made a fool outta myself! haha. i think i'm from aes as well. geez.

and i took the BTT today. i just hope i can pass, cuz i hasnt really study, and mayb some god will help me with it.

i might be meeting dear later, gotta pass him the puffs. and prolly, i just feel like having a romantic getaway with him, since he promised me some rollin' good, quality time with him.

i dunno. mayb i just have to take what comes my stride. =)

yah. i noe. wrong english used. but whatever. i dun really care. for now.

Ciao~

wow... finallly yeah!!!!!!

the exams are over.

u dint hear me wrong. i'm gayyyy!!!

lol. yesterday morning at 10.30, marked the end of hell and now's starting another round of freaking-out period, which is the anticipated, the exam results.
but well, life's abt waiting and waiting.

went out shopping with my gfs straight after the exams. to jurong point, and i live in ang mo kio. lol.
bought a dress for lili jie's wedding, and a blouse. we had quite a lot of fun. lol. after that, went to meet mom. she bought me a pair of jeans, skirt, and something like a cheong-sam. hee.
but still, life's pretty much intense.

mum just told me that grandpa's diagnosed with cancer, yet again. i thought it was not with him anymore. i'm sad, cuz when i think my grandma has left us, i wouldnt want another to go with her. i might be selfish, but, i just wouldnt want him to leave us.

and i noe, for the fact that grandma might be protecting him from anything now. i noe she'll want him to live happy and free of illness. right, grandma?

and mom's meeting up with a satan at her workplace. i shouldnt say this, but u have to noe. her colleague's a biatch. BIATCH. when my mom asked her if she wants to read a mag, she havent even waited for my mom to finish the sentence and cut it off crudely by, "NO."
now, what the hell is ur prob? mayb u need a man to satisfy u instead. f*cker.

den again, my mom tried to talk to her sometimes, but she just stands far from her. giving my mom tough days to spend. and my mom informed her few days ago that she'll be late for work today cuz she'll be going for a checkup, she dint say anything, yesterday, when my mom reminded her of the checkup, she told my mom"why cant u check earlier?" she said this crap when they're working at 10.30 today. piss off, biatch. u're a plague.

why does some satan still exists in the world? i thought GOD is supposed to rid these demons.

and sure enough, we have one satan in our grp. not quite a satan, but mayb someone who might get on my nerves quite occasionally..
mayb if i just dun care, would things be betteR? if just accepted things the way it is, would i be happier? instead of thinking all "its" bad points, would i breathe easy? not possible, cuz i'm a str8 forward person.

i wont entertain pests who actually takes advantage of us and sit ard, biatching their way.

sue and joy, know what i mean rite? LOL.

enuff's said. sit back, and enjoy the holidays. hee.

below are pix we'd taken yesterday...
At toy'r'us!

da cuties! errr, i mean barney. LOL. no, i mean my fav. gals!


da dingdong who starred in the movie, chicago, as an extra. borrowed the crop to just take a pic.lol



da threesome. lol! my best gals!


my arder soulmate

Now, back at home...

da disgusting me!

hi.

quarrels are never gonna cease, much less talking bout my wrinkles. i do not have wrinkles now, but in a few yr's time, or mayb, even next yr, i might have lines all over my face already.

i dunno why. i just cant seem to study. mugging, to me, is like drinking plain water. u know, the "marvelicity"( i invented this word myself) of coca-cola with ice and chrysanthemum tea just sends me to thrill. but, plain water? i dun take it as often. serious.

it's just plain. and hard to swallow.

sometimes, i wonder, if one is in a bad mood, would u think abt others?

i admit, i'm being selfish. but that's me. but i'm trying to strive. trying to not care. but i still did.

that's me.

and i suck.

okie okie. i dun.

LOL :p

*yawns

sorry for the crudeness in the opening. and i'm really aint into any studying.

though tmr will be the day when doom's gonna visit me. but seriously, i'm just sick of studying lar.

reading up the same sick old materials and suddenly with mah mind bolted to the thought of mr bongg.

yes. and i just posted a bulletin on friendster. well. read it if u have the time, if not, u can say byebye to that post.
anyways. i seem to have very dry eyes nowadays. dunno why. weird.

geez. and i'm feeling lethargic right at this moment when i've napped for like, 3 hrs this afternoon. what is happening to me....????

shall blog in u soon. see ya. -muackz-

Stressed yet fruitful.

hi. well, i aint afraid that if mr pang read my blog. i'm sitll gonna post this up.

today was a very hectic day. first, me and lijun went to school at 8 this morning to rush on our project...

next, we did the codings all the way, till 11, which was the time to present. but when we presented, the stupid codings dint work again, so me and lijun had to represent. den until 1.30, i rushed to my entreprenuership's presentation.

i dint have to do that ent presentation, but i have to stick ard with my grp members. but when it was like, 4+, i received a call from lijun. she sounded pretty tensed. and i got to noe that i gotta do another function for the vb project for mr pang. and so, i went from blk D to blk L. which, wasnt quite a distance, but still, stratigically-challenged for me, as i dint have any meals. lijun too. so when i reached blk L, i slumped into one of the comp and began to sulk. i really dint noe how to do the codings.

until i met my GOD. she's cindy, jl's fren. she helped me solved the codes within like, 10 mins man. geez. i have 0% of her brain. why. so stupid.

and the ent teacher told me that i have a high posibility of flunking that module.

doesnt sound feasible to me. just felt a bit unjustice done. i dint study man. shucks. if i have a re-test, i confirm can pass lor.

but well, what's done's done. i can just be conformed to hell if i really flunked that module.

and to sue n joy, damn. dun blame me. i'm a bitch by nature.

i guess u guys noe what i meant. but, bottom line is, i'll grow up. and be more sensible...
so guys, thanks for ur concern... i really appreciate what u guys did for me... =)

confused.

the moment when i post in here, i pose the danger of letting peeps noe bout my status.

but doesnt matter. it'll just be a matter of time.

had a chat with Alan today. he's my ex. and we'd known each other for 5 years. and counting. we got together in sec 2. broke and patch, broke and patch for a couple of times trouout this 5 yrs. well. i should say. he told me lotsa things today, which i dint noe. i realli dint noe.

i told him about him(another) and me. he asked, why am i still like that? he told me to stop criticising ppl that much. and dun expect too much. it felt like ive got a slap in my face. a slap from reality. it seems pretty much that i'm been drifting too much on this sea called life. and i had no directions or whatsoever in this huge place. finally, some sampan came and the kind fisherman gave me some seafood and asked me to quit roaming, and fish.

true enuff. i ode to quit roaming. in this huge area.
and fish. for food that's gonna fill my stomach. the food called maturity and the stomach called brain. finally i realised, that i'm really childish. always mentioning the word. that broke the possible love of my life's heart. i broke one too many. and mayb, God finally wanna let me have a taste of my own. of being lonely.

sadly enuff, i'm confused. mind is running wild. and free.

should i break free? or should i let him go?
tough question. shoot me dead.

i'm not worth to be alive.

awww. yawns.

am damn tired. but doesnt matter, a bit of blogging wont kill.

but yes. my braincells are 90% gone.

and i'll be vanished by then..

watched the lord of the rings-fellowship blah blah. i cried when boromir(or-whatever-his-name-was) died. and gandolf too. so poor thing. courageous and brave. i wonder if i can do the same as they did when i encounter such "happening" event. doubt so. but still, fiction shall remain fictious.

back to reality. i'm braincell-zapped, which is a new term for walking zombies like me. braincell-zapped. sue wants updates. and i wonder, if sue is the only caring soul who's been faithfully reading my blog. okie. mayb not. mayb she's kaypo. LOL. shit, im gonna get a arse-spanking from her. but no, she doesnt spank asses. -winks-

oh yes, and not forgetting grace. the occasional reader of my blog. and some other souls out there. meihui, etc. lol. and meihui and meihui and meihui. well, kept repeating ur name cuz... no other names to put lar.

school's been, not-so-hectic. for me. i dunno bout the rest. mayb they already have their tresses going str8 up abv their head. i realli dunno. i just wanna slack my way throu my poly life. though the way i'm leading it, ppl might just as well gimme a pat on my back and say something encouraging, like, "get a life, arse-hole."

i'm trying hard to. cant u see. but still. i'm in a hole too deep. it's nv ending. nv ask me to work. nv ask me to do my homework. my tutorial. shag my teacher. nah, the last one, omitted. it sounded too obscene. i have no intentions or what-so-ever too. unless, he has a nice -squishy- buttttt and mega-watt smile. den i shag till i'm shagged.

arghs. the abv paragraph is crap lar. serious. i realli have no intentions to have a shag with my *gag!* teacher. i will only do with my favourite one. and my soul, will tell me who. will lead me there.

crap, again. well, will stop crapping
i'm typing nonsense. it's so nonsensical that i find what i typed is complete nonsense.

and letchmi, can you pls improve on ur blog?

us w/o letch


that's me and letch. sorry for the pic. we're gross. but grossly beautiful. lol! just joking.

Ouch, it hurts!!!

Yesterday spelt drama. we almost broke up. yeah yeah, yet another childish act of mine, u might think. but seriously, i noe that i'm always harsh and impatient. anyone kid with me, off u go. and true, i tot i've been taking things for granted from him. but still, that's prolly cuz i seldom do!

but anywayz, back to the story. i was feeling all moody yesterday morning, and when he asked if i wanted to go out with him, i said dunno. he said, 'okie. today i listen to u. tell me where u want to go and i'll bring u there.' and i said dunno. and that got him dissing. like say, 20%. and he took it in his stride. and den again, he said,'okie, u go think abt it... i need to go take a power-nap. meet toa payoh at 3.' and i replied,'i dun wanna go out.' there. boom. 90%, and he said, anything, up to u. and we hung up the phone. i called him again, wanted to say that i want to go out. but he jumped into conclusion that i wanted to break. but den again, i cleared things up with him. so, he suggested to eat out. okie, dude. no prob. but, theere's a prob. my mom;s cooked. so i lied to him, that my house dint cook. and i asked him to go double check. if his mom's cooked. no, was the reply. alrite den, see u at 3.

den, at ard 1450, when i was downstairs waiting for cab, he called. 'eyy, my mom's cooked. come to my house to eat.' at that point in time, i really wanted to kick him at his groin. and make him groan like an old man. i dint wanna go, cuz of his family. complicated stuff, u shouldnt noe. den again, i said to go back to my own to take my breakfast. and den to meet again. and he's pissed cuz he thought i just was anti-social and dint wanna go to his house. but i wasnt. i just cant tell him the truth. and we quaarrelled. but den, we came to the agreement. eat already den meet. alrite. but he msged me: if u're going to carry on this attitude any longer, i'm afraid i cannt take it anymore.

boom. it's like a slap on my face. i tot everything was alrite, but he just "slapped" my face. like that. piak! ouch. it realli hurts. and i couldnt take it anymore. i mentioned the break up. and he said i broke my promise to him. my promised him, not to leave him, no matter what happens. an d he said i broke it. at that very moment, i just wanna quit. realli. go to somewhere rural, and bury myself alive.

and we fought. and he switched off his phone. and i rushed to his place. and he forgave me. ii noe, cuz it's myself taking him for granted sometimes. he'd gave in. i noe.

and then, we went to ikea. and i wore my new pumps there, and incurred some blisters. hurts like hell. and i bought a wall mounted lamp. hadnt done anything to it yet, cuz , when i returned home, it was 12 midn. dad says couldnt drill in anything at the mid of the nite! so, here i am. waiting for dad to come back at 3. to drrrrill it for me. hees. and we watched "Hitch". wasnt as nice as expected. prolly, i'd grade it C. realli. hmmmmm. i plan to watch boogeyman and the one starring jim carrey. the baby's so cute! =) just take a look below!

and my baby too. i love him. and i realised, after so much's happened, i realli couldnt leave him.

In awe.

hey. i'm in awe.

am realli happi today that my project's codings can work at least a bit...
well, and frens, pls dun think that i'm showing off or boasting... cuz it wasnt realli anticipated that it could work at the last min, so that's why i'm very happy... and kept emphasizing to u guys... reason being, i dun think telling him, he would understand it...

hmmm, and yes, my phone's only a week old and yet i've already dropped it twice. geez. TWICE!!!
why??? so poor thing, have a clumsy owner.

went shopping for shoeflats with jinling today, at junction 8 bishan... i bought one and i liked it. and jinling bot a pair with heels. and geez. one look at the shoes is like, one word for it: glam.

blam! and i bought a mug of the lil mermaid for like, 6 bucks. at minitoons. check it out, if u like mermaid as well.

AND! i eyed one long/sleeve at DANO. it spelt:princess. serious, it looked fab. and sweet. but i hesitated for very long. cuz my pocket's reaching doom. and jinling saw a long skirt, which i think looks very authenticating on her. nice. and she was also hesitating whether to buy or not.. so, finally. we decided. to buy. and she went to the stall. damn, cant fit her.
and i went to the DANO shop. damn, last piece, which is the display piece. so, both of us, ended up, with disappointment and left j8.

hmmm... so much for today. and yes, i aint realli angry at anyone, and i still feel like kicking bong's ass. i hate him.

good nitez, ppl.
ps.: i've changed the song to westlife's miss you. like it? ask the song from me. email me, tag me, whatever. it's urs. =)

Throwing in the white flag. i give up.

though this is not the first time. but still. sometimes i realli think, we shouldnt be together. i'm just very confused.

i noe u're sick of me, mentioning the break up and all. but u dint think that i am, too? bet u aint aware of it. well, things are getting way out of hand. i feel that we no longer have the common topics, and feel very distant nowadays.

reason may prob because we seldom meet nowadays, and waiting for ur call is like waiting for rain during the drought season. (someone on my msn list got this nick, adapted from there, hope he/she doesnt mind)

probably cuz i still have the tension from ur family. it realli gonna kill me sooner or later. seriously, like what i've told my frens, if i have a crystal ball, and i noe that i wont be with u in the future, i dun think that i would want to carry on our relationship anymore.

i think u can find a much better gf, and ur mom can find u another girl, better quality than me and prob can marry u anytime. so she can bore ur mom her longing grandchildren.

and i noe that if u read this post, u'll be very upset by what i've said. but all i said, is what my heart tells me to.

Hmmm. bored.

hi, i'm having this boring wed afternoon. not that i allow it to tag along with me, but, wed afternoon insist on following me. no choice, cuz, i dint want it to become my friend. it says that if i ignore it, and do otther stuffs such as watching tv, do nothing, it'll still follow me. so, the choice is not up to me.

hmmm... he's gonna work night shift, and mom, gonna prepare for work in another 10 mins... and dad, working afternoon shift. at least, the wed afternoon dint managed to catch up with them. i'm the sacrificed one. whatever shit.

i'm talking crap right at this instance.

ive bought a new phone recently. i dun realli noe how to operate on it. and the CD Rom they gave along with the box was crap. complete bullshit.

and i think i'm prolly gonna chalk up yet another mountain of bills. i'd spend on ringtones, pix and GPRS usage.
whatever. i dun care. cuz wed afternoon says that i'm going broke at the same time. budget budget. my bank account has only $*** left.
ouch. pinch me. but no need, thank you. i'm already back to reality cuz i feel the pain. with my bank account.

the past two weeks, me and my girlfrens have been skipping OS night lecture. for the extreme purpose of sitting at level 4, chatting our hearts out.
not that i dun enjoy what we did, but i pity the lecturer. cuz there are 6 notti girls who prefer to chit chat than go to his lecture. poor thing.
but i wanna luff at him, cuz we 6 girls dun give a damn bout him. he deserves this. he practically reads everything off the lecture slides. but, doesnt matter.
whatever he's doing, i dun think we give a damn. just do the best we can. lol. right, girls?

and, i get realli pissed off with our H(read:Hash)CI tutor.
well, not exactly i take him as my tutor. but i've got no choice.
the school assigned this bastard to us. and i'm very sure, the school's a bastard itself.

to think they used our money to employ a bastard to teach us. feel like rioting and killing every single one in the school(hunks, girlfrens, and frens are exceptionals.
they aint included in this masarcre).

especially the HashCI teacher, who pronounces H(hedge) as Hash. damn. am pretty paranoid that when i grow old, i might pronounce things the same way*(read: where) as he does. and my poor friend, moon heng, that blardy teacher pronounced his name as, moon hAng. i do think that he has a problem with As and Es.

but well, he's just a pain in the ass. feel like kicking asses. to his exceptionally hard.

the next person's ass i wanna kick is:

well, look out for the next posting. that's all i can say. prolly it's gonna still be him. i dunno. i'm full of vengeance.


and it's gonna rain!!!!!!!!!! end of drought seeeeeeasoonn!!!
YAY! =) no more sun! but, shit. i hate raining when i'm alone at home. ive' got a phobia, cuz once, i was alone, it was ard 6 and raining cats and dogs, and sky was damn dark. and shit, thunder and lightning came and damn, a power shortage in my historical home. geez. i hate it but love it at the same time. =?

Why?

i've got zillions and trillions of why-s for everything. perceived as only from kids, but no. i'm asking that as well.

anywayz, yesterday, mon, which happens to be V-day, my girlfriends exchanged gifts with each other...i'm sure each and every one of us is happi... =) went to bishan with 'em, had KFC. letchmi was kicking up a fuss as to what to eat, wanted to eat pasta mania in the first place, but couldnt cuz it wasnt halal... den, we're left with only KFC, long john's and MAC. duhs. KFc. had two piece meal shared with joyln... my stomach was restored to full balloon after the meal.. joyln bought me a rose, and i was damn awkward holding it! sue, grace and sharon each bought me separate gifts, and i did the same too...i bought them friendship bands; though it's cheap, but it reps eternal friendship b/w us... =) *frens forever*

den after skool, i asked jinling and jeannie over to my place... did nothing much, watched the teevee and den had a small game. am currently the *princess of gamble* as bestowed to me by him. they left shortly, 3 hrs later, when my mom came home. and sadly, my mom got into an angry-but-it's-her-fault prob. i feel pity for her... angry to her colleagues. they'd ill-treated her. i'm angry.

and when da-kor came home, he saw me using the comp and casually asked if i havent went out... geez. a chinese saying is applied here: rub salt to my wounds.

but i dun realli blame roy. cuz he's gotta work. it's not as if he's out with others. so, doesnt really matter. term-test and his billiard practises has been taking up most of him time. how i wish, he can be invisible to me. so i wont care, think, of him. it really aches my heart. though i know i very much cant compare myself with those things that morally not supposed to, i still did. and now, i'm at home, while he's out at Orchid Country Club playing billiard with him friends. sometimes i realli wonder why must i be a girl. why? a girl has lots of restrictions. :cant go out late, cant do this, cant do that. why? sometimes i wonder am i still in his heart. ouch. my heart is slowly tearing up in pieces. and i can feel the pain, coming from within.

why am i always wanting to meet him, but, he doesnt even give a damn? sue's taught me that i should just let him initiate things, but sue, i'm sorry. i dunno why, but i cant. it's within me. wanting more. but ended up waiting takes up even more.

does friends realli mean so much to u? den what abt me? u want to talk to me when u feel like it, u want to meet me when u feel like it. when u have time but u wont want to meet me. what is all this abt? i'm realli worn-out. tired. crazed. fazed. dazed.

i hate u!!!!!!!

i hate u. why issit that when i need u the most u're not here?
u're weak! why do u always fall sick?! why am i always the one to take care of u?! why am i not the one being taken care of? what kind of bf are u. i hate u.
the most.

physically crashed. and burnt. i dun wanna live with(out) u.
i'm mentally tired. gone. i dun expect much.
from u, i failed. to be a good girlfriend.
i hate to be ur one.
i hate it.

i'm not suitable for u.
find a better girl.

if i'm gone,
will u be sad?

if i'm gone,
will u cry?

if i'm gone,
will u be happier?

only if i'm gone.
things will be much better.

Updates~

hey, i've updated my blog.. like the new look?

just as well, i've cleared the song. the current song playing is "Dont Say You Love Me" by The Corrs. issit nice? had a hard time uploading it, though!

anywayz, enjoy and have a merry holidays!

Eww.

awww. i dread updates. i used to have a up-temp poise, to update my blog. but now, i couldnt care less.

much has been done, much has been said. still, requested by mah girlfwen, sue, i'm to write my blog. not that i'm completely submissive, but i want to, cuz i'm bored. goddamn bored. i slog whole day in the house, yet i've got nothing. i feel so un-used. i feel so outta place in this house. why? do u even need me?

i certainly dun think so. i'm very pissed. so what if it's ur birthday? no big deal. big deal. ouch. and dad asked what to buy for meals today. i suggested noodles. and sec bro, too. and he said he wanted to cook some fried noodles. so, yes. i like them wet. with soup. and, yes. dad went to fried the noodles. what else? yes yes, the green-eye monster has gobbled me whole. but hell. i do care, even if i say i dun. my ONE bought smth for dad, a shirt. and i told dad that it was from him, he shook his head, and said that no need for him to give him a present. in a negative way.

i do loads,yet no good came out from them. what shall i do?

sink into depression? my usual style. but i wont let ppl notice it. only that they'll noe why i'm suddenly so happy.

my heart's broken. and no one can fix it.
i'm broke by someone i love so dearly.
everything of me is chipped. gone.